When I was pregnant with John... I really didn't think anything special about how we are gonna raise this kid. I don't know, but one - I didn't have "mom" friends, two - I was really busy with anything else, as wedding, greencard, moving... But as soon as John's born... I became a "mom" by all meaning. I started to think how we are gonna raise John, how we want John to be... N I loved(still love) talking... or should I say discussing... about how we do about raising kids with my hubby. Fortunately me n my hubby almost have same thoughts about it. So really most of things, like 98%, we agree to each other.
We love our parents... oops, I would say mothers. My parents are not married, I have a father n I see him, but I never lived with him. He supported us with all money situations, but basically my mom taught me everything.
I love my mom, n I love the way my mom raised me. She was not a strict mom. She never was bossing me around. She showed me her love 200% all the time. She always listens to me. One rule of hers, really I remember that, is "Do NOT hurt people." which applies to physically AND mentally. She was a mom who was not afraid to let me make a mistake, so she knew I would learn from there. She never gave up on me. She is my mom, and same time she's been my best friend, not since I grew up, but she's always been that way. I love talking to my mom, because she listens and gives me advices as one person.
Then the result of that... I am very happy. I respect my mom, I really appreciate her for raising me this way. It's very interesting, but my hubby was raised almost exactly same way! That's why we agree to each other about how to raise our kids.
We want our kids to be very close to us, want them to feel that they want to talk to us everything. Not they HAVE TO TALK TO US. We want to be the parents our kids would respect. I believe that is not the right way to say "We want our KIDS TO RESPECT us" or "They HAVE TO RESPECT us". I believe that WE HAVE TO be the parents they would respect. I believe that all children have their choices to love or not love their parents. Yes, that sounds a lil sad, but they do! How can we earn their love? Let them do whatever they want? Never say no??
I say "no" to my kids when they try to do something obviously wrong, n I am not afraid to say that. I yell at kids when they don't listen to me, n I am not afraid to do so. I punish kids when they did something wrong, n I am not afraid to do that. Did I lose their love? No! Sametime... I don't forget to appreciate to my kids when they did something good, don't forget to apologize when I did something wrong,lol do play together a lot(yea, sometimes it looks too much!lol) So there is trust between us. I am enjoying being a mom of them, n I believe that they are enjoying being children of us.
What I mean is... They really don't have to listen to parents if they don't want to, but WE have to be the parents that they would CHOOSE TO LISTEN to. Do you want your kids to listen to adults only because they are adults? No! Oh, I still teach kids to show their respect to adults though. But it doesn't mean they have to listen to them n do whatever they told them to do. That would be very dangerous... But sametime, I don't want our kids to disrespect adults. Not because adults are greater than kids, but because adults experienced much more than kids.
I am not going to say that this is the right way to anybody. Every parents have their own way to raise their kids. N I am not gonna to say anything about it. Well... at least, unless the parents want some advices or if the children obviously need help.
We want our kids to be happy, as I believe all parents want same thing to their children. But what I mean is, we want our kids to be happy every single day. We love our moms(parents), n that's a big part of our happy life. We want to give same thing to our children. We are not "just" a part of their life, but we want to be a "BIG" part of their happy life.
N looking back like this, actually that's what we need sometimes... especially when we feel so busy n feel no time to think. Just so we can be sure where we are at right now.